in a situation where one is faced with two equally difficult alternatives...

... the best course of action is to simply turn on Netflix, grab your Ben & Jerry's single serve Coconutterly Fair, and refuse to move until you completed the entire first Season of Daredevil.

Because, reasons!


Or, is that just what you think a Stay at Home Mom does all day?

Granted, yes - I have watched the entire first Season of Daredevil, for the simple reason that Marvel frickin owns me.    I like what I like.
However, it took me much longer than a single day, and I ate green beans, snap peas, and carrot sticks.
Because, screw your generalizations and misinformed opinions.

After my very personal show of heart posted earlier this week, I received an anonymous reply that went something like this:

Brave Anon:   Creative Process?  You're at Stay at home mom - get over yourself.

Me:  Okay, I am going to need you to take the stupid out of your mouth before we can continue this little conversation.  Also, Rude. 

If the haters have arrived, does that mean I have finally arrived?

Now, aside from the gross ignorance on display in this comment, I feel like I should actually give this anon likely covered in cheesie dust and sitting in his underwear in his mom's basement (see, I can play the generalization game too!), a high five of thanks.

Because he just proved my point.

the message is clear:  A stay at home mom's business is not in creating anything unique and special and personal, because DUH!!!  You already did that and now you must take care of the wee precious.
That's your job.  That's your existence.
Period.

And what could you possibly have to contribute to this world that exists beyond diapers and play dates and Dora?

Wanting more?
Selfish.
Aren't your beautiful, sweet children enough?  Why would you need anything more?

Um, because I am like.... a person that way?

Now, of course we are not going to let one little anon troll ruin our day, right?   That would be silly.
Especially since he will soon froth and fumble on over to another site to vomit his hate and displeasure all over someone else.   Because that's the trolls existence.  To perpetually go in search of things to be offended, displeased and angry about.    He is very hungry and this is his food.

We must not feed the trolls!

Except, when you are surrounded, sometimes you just gotta toss them a morsel of distraction so you make your get-away!
Because this is the thing.

I got trolls all over the place up in my business.
The friend who doesn't like the movies my kids watch.  Or the books they read.
The church lady who doesn't like the stories I write.
The many people who don't like me looking at my phone.
The family member who thinks I am stupid for feeding my babies jar food, not breast feeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, baby proofing,  being too lenient, being too strict.. oh my gawd will the list fuckin end already?

You know it moms; as soon as that wee bundle lands in our arms, we are bombarded with what we should be doing, what we should not be doing, what we must learn to do, what we must UNlearn, and get that baby weight off, and don't forget to have sex with your husband.  

No, no... put that journal/phone/remote/Twix bar down:   you don't got time to be doing all that. 

Now, you are reading this and surely thinking, wow - someone has got a bee in her bonnet!!
Holy, complain over-much.

Yes!
and YES!!!

Because this is the rock and the hard place.
For every thing one person thinks I should be doing, 2 others will say, no - THIS is what you should be doing.   And don't you just know a 4th could come along with something completely different.
And advice is good - don't get me wrong about that.   But this is not "Advice" we are talking about.   This is those comments that are flung like pointed arrows and these people are soooo good; they always hit the bulls eye.

In case you are not clear yet, that bulls eye is labelled VULNERABILITY.
They know exactly where to hit you, where it hurts the most.

And you can brush it off.   Square your shoulders.   Soldier on.
But even the hardest rock is eventually wore down by the steady trickle of the stream.


It doesn't happen right away.  It takes time.
It's such a slow fade.  
To wake up one day and discover you are not fine.    That you are worn.

And even worse, when you look into that reflecting pool that used to be a familiar comfort; you no longer recognize the features, or see the beauty that once was there.


Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am though I've tried
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside..

- Refection, Mulan

Why am I talking about this now?
Am I so full of hate and bitterness, that I cannot write a positive thought anymore?

No. So Wrong.  So So wrong.

I am speaking up from my place under the rubble, because I LOVE.
This amazing, beautiful wondrous world that was created for us to enjoy and prosper.
The intelligent, emotional, creative, loving beings that we were created to be.

I could not bear to see a single flower wither, or a star to diminish -- knowing that I was the cause of it's destruction.

Further to that,  how could I possibly be the cause of YOU diminishing??!
Of robbing you of any joy that you might seek in life?
So I guard my tongue.   I am fully aware that you will remember how I treated you.


Hold my tongue, or speak up?
Write, or be silenced?
Me, your version of me?

The hard place.
You are familiar with The Rock Cycle, aren't you?
Well basically, rocks are formed and worn down and reformed constantly over time.   It can take thousands of years for rocks to change and form.   Also, rocks are made from minerals; at least 2 types in each rock are present.    The interesting thing about minerals?

It is composed of the same substance throughout.   If you were to cut completely through: it would appear the same all the way through.

A true reflection.
And sometimes of very rare quality.

So what am I am going to do about this rock and hard place I find myself?

Well, I'm going be like that mineral:  true from my skin to my core, and on out the other side.

And I am going to continue to write my thoughts.  And stories.   And fangirling over my favourite superheroes might just happen from time to time too.   Sometimes I may even have a beautiful image I managed to capture, and we can all enjoy the beauty of a single moment caught in time.

And the judgemental ones, and the haters, and the trolls and even the ones who think they are well intended; well you can keep just keep on rolling like that lazy river, wearing me down.   That is your choice.

And I might break.  And then I will reform.
I will always be made whole again.

And who knows, maybe one day - after all your eroding attempts and all my breaking anew:  you might just discover: that I was just the diamond in the rough.

Waiting for my time to shine.