Good morning and welcome to the Coffee Chat!! 

Literally me at this moment.


Except, I am drinking chamomile tea instead of coffee.
And its 1 am my time; not daylight.
Also, my window that I am sitting beside, has no curtains.
Okay.... my hair would never look that cool in a bandanna wrap thingy ding either.

But like I said, it's 1 am and I am writing this post and I couldn't go wake up the Left Brain to get  my camera bag and there are only so many images when you Google "coffee by moonlight." 

Work with me people.
The point is, this is me.... sorta... right now.    Alone in my kitchen in the wee small hours of the morning, sipping herbal tea in front of my big picture window.

Somebody actually walked their dog a few moments ago.
Otherwise, I am appreciating the stillness and the quiet, and the way the moonlight is turning the heaps of snow into a mountain of glistening diamonds.

Reflective.  Pensive.  Content to watch the steam gently rise from the cup and curl its way up into nothingness.    Like it had naught a care in this world past the simplicity of its' brief existence.

The warmth seeping into my palms sufficient to keep the chill from the frosty window at bay, while I sit and gaze upon the still world beyond.    My thermometer tells me it is minus 23 Celsius, and I think that it truly is as if all the world has been frozen in silence and time.

And I watch alone.
 
Is this me?
A quiet, huddled deep in my hoodie sipping tea in the dark figure who waxes poetic past midnight?

Because I have to tell you -- had you been in my kitchen around 5:30 pm, and were to gaze through the big, curtain less window, a different story might have been told.


Okay, so I usually have pants on.   but still.  same.
I also think I'm a much better dancer.


The point is, if you saw me alone in my kitchen at night -- or in the woods around my campsite perhaps:  you'd think I was crazy.   I dance.  I sing.   I'm quite literally batty.

There's also the me at home alone trying to think of something clever to blog.


And the things I blurt out when I get distracted and go searching for nice fiction to read, but I come across, quite by accident, some other kind of fiction.


Not today!

Then there's me taking a shower when no body's home...  it's kinda Ferris Bueller meets girl next door masquerading as lounge singer.


Finally, the procrastination me who has sung all the songs, danced all the dances, writing all the things (or not), and now is just wasting too much time watching Marvel movies, or perusing Tumblr on my laptop while mainlining coffee.


You see, home alone me, is pretty much stark raving mad most days.
Because, that's how I stay sane.
Do you see how that works?

This is how I imagine you right now.


 Are you who you are when no one is looking?

I know I sound completely crazy based on these things, but the truth is: I don't just do them when I am alone.   It's just more fun that way because then my children don't laugh at my running man dance moves, or off key version of Let it Go in the shower.

And if I do happen to dash into the kitchen in my unmentionables for a coffee refill; then no one is here to witness.   Because I haven't really shopped for unmentionables in a really long time and a Victoria Secret angel I ain't. 


Oh I will dance in front of you.     Be warned.
And, I know no other way to pass the time in a long line up then to demonstrate my knowledge of show tunes.   Look at your smart phone all you want;  All That Jazz?   It's about to Go Down my friend.
I could probably be persuaded to karaoke with you after you ply me with a few shots Stellas. 

Most of the time I am A Heaping Pile of Responsibility upon Duty  Upon Sacrifice Upon Just Hurry Up and Do What I Ask When I Ask  Please.   Then Yes, we will Have All The Fun All The Hours Because Of Course I Love Making 3, 000 Play Doh Kitties.

Sometimes, when I am alone; the real me that didn't actually wither and die when I became a wife and mom, emerges to reclaim her stolen self.    The me that wants to create and devour and in turn inspire.    And sometimes, just sit quiet and appreciate the beauty of a still winter night.  The me inside that reflects on all that I've come from, and I all that I live for..... and all that I am hoping to be:  she sits and is content to just be Enough.   For today.

But sometimes, the other girl wants to come out to play.   The shadows have passed and no longer skittish of what might go wrong if she tarries awhile and enjoys the dancing sunshine upon her face; she steps into the spotlight once more; and all those laid aside for now dreams are played out upon a stage of her design.   Sometimes she even fears that the things she craves deep inside might never be Enough.   Because this girl; wants to be More.

Both are me.
Both are Real. 
And both are okay.
  
No one is ever just one person. 

We all have different sides to our personalities, and our experiences dictate which side will emerge in a given situation.  I don't mean being two faced: I mean our genuine selves.    Sometimes you will be the responsible women who can juggle all the balls while making dinner and helping with homework.

Other days, you'll want to let off a little steam, and the music will be cranked and you'll dance and sing at the top of your lungs; and remember what it was like to be carefree. 

The truth is -- I need to linger with both selves every now and then to feel completely whole.   Try and stamp either out; and ... it's just not Me.   It may look like me; but there will be a void where once there was Life, and Love.... and Laughter.

So if you happen upon my window; whether the bright blessed day,  or the dark dead of night; no  matter which me you see, just remember:

I'm probably just trying to keep that little spark of madness from going dim.

Time out for Mom




Tuesday, February 17th, 2015

Dance like no one is watching.   
 Who are you when no one is watching?


Next Week:   Love.  Amour.   What is it?  Does it happen at first sight?  Do you only get one great love per life time?  How do YOU know love?


Share your Random Thoughts over at Stacey's!

Stacy Uncorked


About The Author
Leslie Botchar, aka "RoryBore", is a SAHM enjoying life one day - and one cup of coffee - at at time.
She has had several articles published in The Huffington Post, and hopes to one day marry her skills as Word Wrangler and Photo Ninja. Leslie spills it all on her blog Time Out For Mom, and invites you to join her for some Mom "Me" Time.
Connect with her: Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram.