Due to all the sickness in my house this week, I missed my weekly real time Coffee Chat with my local ladies/mom group Cafe Connect.

As I mentioned before, we are doing the series "Loving our Kids on Purpose" by Danny Silk.

Also, as I said previously, one of the big eye openers thus far was the idea that we should stop trying to control our children, and instead teach them to control/manage themselves.

Since I missed this weeks' video session, a friend of mine in our group provided me with a nice recap of the lesson.   What follows are her words:

Today's session was about the Great Lie - that we can control others and be controlled. It also challenged us that we can tend to think that power comes through anger and force. Instead, we are seeking to reduce anxiety and increase opportunities for love and connection by offering choices. Danny challenges us parents to "Strip the control out of the interactions with our kids".  So, our 'homework' or challenge is to consider in what areas of life in our home can we empower our children by offering them increased choices.
Wow.   That is a lot to chew on. 
Do I give my children choices..... meaning age and circumstances appropriate choices.

Am I just inserting my will over them?
If I am afraid of the freedom of choice -- won't they learn to also fear that?

Do I parent by "Volume?"   (that's big one.  anyone else tried to see if kids obey quicker the louder you get?)

I will have to wait until next week's session to get the practical tools that Danny suggests, but for now I will be thinking quite a bit.   In the meantime, allow me to provide a little evidence that should demonstrate quite clearly that while you may attempt to control your kids:   it will often backfire.

Sometimes, it's even funny.
(After the video, click on Read More for a little something I like to call Tales In KidSpeak)






File Under: Can't Unsee:
9 year old boy on bedtime bathroom visit wearing his head lamp.....and nothing else.
I swear, the phrase "Why are you naked?" is uttered more times in this house than anything else.

File Under: Your Moods - They Scare Me
AngelGirl: *stomping feet*  I hate this day.  This is the worst.day.ever.   I'm gonna stay in my room forever and not talk to anyone
ever again.  *insert day of the week* are awful. 
Me:  yes, I think going to your room to calm down is a good idea.  Go.Now
Angel Girl: *stomping feet down the hallway and mumbling still - door slam*
  ----- 2.7 minutes later the sounds of singing comes from her room ------  then:
Angel Girl:  mom?? mom??  MOM!!?
Me:  yes?
Angel Girl: I'm calm now.
Me - internal voice:  Yes, yes; apparently music does soothe the savage beast.
Also, she's six.   God be with me for the teen years, because someone once told me teenage girls never fart. They just hold it all in and it comes out as Drama.

File Under: But Moms totally do have gas:
one day I was preparing dinner in the kitchen and thinking I was alone.... passed a little wind.  Okay fine. An elephant did jumping jacks on the hardwood floor, I had company all day and held it. I thought I was in the clear.
ZooZoo (3) who had snuck up to her seat to steal the cheese:  Awwww mom!  that's gross.  get on outta here.
At which point she leans to the side ever so slightly and with minimal effort, trumpets her own tune.
well played little one.  well played.

File Under:  Local Weather Girl
Upon spying one destroyed by toys living room:
me:  guys! this place looks like a tornado hit it!   who did this?
Angel Girl:   ZooZoo mom.  she's totally an F5.

Control.
You don't have it.
Let it go.
Love is better.