It's nearly 2 pm and I have just returned from grocery shopping and served lunch to the kiddos.
Clearly, time....or at least the management of such, is something I should Ponder better. Or more often.   Or at least, more efficiently.

Or increase my coffee intake accordingly.  or....something.

This Week's prompt: time
Do you seem to think that time is flying by? Obviously when we are the middle of a crisis or a tough situation it seems to be creeping and crawling.... that's not what I'm talking about... I'm talking about time as a whole...

Truth be told, I am having difficulty pondering Time these days.
Which isn't really promising, since the word is right up there in my blog title.
But I struggle with determining whether it truly is moving fast of it's own accord?  Or whether it is I who am letting moments slip away from me?

Whether it lingers, or flies by, or it simply seems there is never enough of it........the days pass by.   The road goes ever on and sometimes, I wander.    Often I feel like it is all a blur, and I find myself still asking -  almost 10 years and 3 children later -- How did I get here?

Could I really have used up my allowable 1 year of maternity PLUS 5 additional years of Parenting Leave?    It does not seem possible that I could be returning to the work force in 2013.

What about all those Scrapbooks I was going to do for the kids?
All those crafts I "pinned" and never made?
The novel I was going to write?
The back storage room that was going to be purged?
The awesome vacation Left Brain and I were going to take - without the children?

Is it too late now?
Is this failure?

Perhaps not.
Perhaps I didn't fill my time up with all the things that I thought I might.   
Perhaps some days -- were just about getting by.
Perhaps some days, I just didn't have enough to give to everyone who needed me.
And some days seemed to be filled up with finding lost toys, wiping up spills, laundry, discipline and an ever growing list of "do's".

Yet, in looking back.   I smile.
I am exhausted, spent, over-whelmed still far too much and often frustrated and impatient:  yet I am grinning like a bob-cat.

Because deep down I know:  it was totally worth it.
This "Time" I have spent  mired down in the daily drudgery of doing?   It's such an awesome privilege.    Oh yes, it can be mind- numbing also.   It can test you to your very resolve.    But the rewards - the delights! - of being here for all their great, and not so great, moments.    To watch how time also marches on for them, and the changes it brings in each of my children; what a blessing. 

To be here, right beside them, on life's journey --  IS the journey.

It's a lovely thought to wish they'd remain forever young.   That we all could do as such.   The truth is I am raising them to leave me one day.   To go forth and leave their own footprints in the sands of time.    It makes me think of Rod Stewart's song Forever Young:

 And when you finally fly away
I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you, win or lose

And though I also know deep down that I am more than just a mom.  That I too still have much to do.   Dreams that time cannot diminish.    If I can accomplish that goal - to have served them well with the time I was given - then I am okay with time marching on.  
However it chooses to do so.

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
Henry David Thoreau