Good-day and welcome to Coffee Chat!

Thank you for joining me today.   What's in your cup?
Mine?  Bottomless.  *eye roll*

If you are frequent visitor to Time Out, you are aware that I have been very busy with poetry this month.

At the time of writing this post, already today I have completed a Super Fly Spy Listand also rocked to some great Hot Diggity Dog Tunes.

I have yet to complete my poem for today's prompt as well.
Update:   See it HERE. (posted in comments)

Have a learned some hard lessons?
Apparently not the one about  Just Say No girl!

"Lessons Learned"

What's the most important lesson you have learned thus far in life? Did you "get it" straight away, or did it take a few tries? Share your wisdom. 

A hard lesson learned.   Oh yes indeed, I've got one.

That.  Right There.
Didn't have.

My biological father, was an alcoholic (based on hushed mutterings overhead by a child) who left us at a young age.   I am pretty sure my mom was strong enough to let him go.   I have no memory of him at all.    Well, not entirely true.  I vividly remember sitting in class, probably about Grade 2 or 3, and while watching The Flintstones over the lunch period, a special news report came on:   a man was sentenced to 10 years in prison as the result of his conviction for drunk driving causing death.  My father's name and picture were plastered across the television -- for all fellow students to see.  The death he caused?  A little boy.

With the swift humiliation came also the feeling of "Oh, so that's what my father looks like.  I have  his eyes."    Quite confusing for a little girl.   You can imagine what life was like on the playground for me for quite some time.  Yes, I do know a little something about bullying too.   Luckily, I was also freakishly strong thanks to farm work and riding Arabian horses.   I could hold my own.   I knew how to open up a can of whoop-a$$ from an early age.

Now -- is that to be my destiny?   Tough as nails and take no crap from anyone?   Trust no one, take care of you, and don't let them get you down?  Stay strong.  Stay hard.  Stay....away.

It could have been.  Especially since Daddy 2.0 was not better.  Actually, quite the foul git, truth be told.  He had his own demons, and unfortunately we had to live with them also.   But not for long.  Enter that strong mother again.   Also, Faith.

You see, if it was simply that I had been given the two worst excuses for fatherhood within a thousand mile radius, then that might have been my destiny.   I know I would not be a wife and mother today.  In fact; based on the broken road I began to travel in my late teens/early twenties.....I probably wouldn't have even been here.   If not actually dead, at least, so so lost.

But I had something else.   Someone to fill in those gaps a father should have provided.   My mother took on the responsibility of both roles, and did it so well, one day -- it didn't matter that I never had a father.   You may shake your head in sadness and pity, based on the first part of the story alone.....but there was never one moment in my childhood that I did not feel loved.   I didn't always feel safe:  they were dangerous men.  But fear never consumed my least not forever.

That was the lesson I learned.   That FEAR can keep you so captive.  It can have such a stronghold on your life, that you are paralyzed.   Neither moving forward, or backward.   Just.Still.   Happiness.  Peace.  Wholeness -  they all appear so far away.   Because you have to move toward them; and you cannot when fear has it's grip on your heart and soul.    Along with all the sadness, the bitterness, the hate and also have to let the fear go.    It was the hardest one for me; simply because it can sometimes be so quiet.    All the other raw emotions demand to be noticed.  To be heard.  But fears' tricky nature is that it is often a silent partner.

I could have continued on that broken road.  Who would have blamed me?

"Well, its no wonder, the poor girl....look at her father.  Apples and trees, you know."

But, there comes a time in life when you realize that while your beginning, and maybe even your middle, were not the best ideal --- you do have a choice about your ending.   At some point, you have to make the choice to either be sucked down into the miry self-pity pit; or rise up and be the person you want to be.   You might have been broken -- but I promise you:  you can be whole again.   It's not easy, but with a lot of work, a lot of love....and for me, a whole lot of prayer: you can leave the hurt little girl behind and honour her.   Give her a glorious and happy future.

And I will be honest -- it did take me a few tries to get that.
But that's another great lesson I learned.
Sometimes, the mistakes you make don't say anything about who you really are inside.
They're just mistakes you made.

Sometimes we fall, so we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Okay, so I got that one from Batman.
Still, I had a mother and a loving God who never gave up on me.
That's a darn pretty good team right there.

NEXT WEEK:  Oh boy, I hesitate on this one, but it truly is a nagging thorn in my side right now.  Recently I left a blog comment that while I never would make the personal choice of Abortion (thus I would be Pro-Life I guess), however; I do not feel it is my place to take away another womens' choice in this issue (thus making me Pro Choice).   Which am I?   If I defend a women's right to choose, am I condoning abortions: as a comment reply accused me?  Or am I defending Free Will; of which my own exercising would be Not to abort?  Vexing.