Hello and welcome!
No - you didn't take a wrong turn.
Unless you have actually landed on a page with a picture of me in the shower entitled "404 - Error" -- in which case - Get Out!  Don't look at me!

Otherwise, rest assured, you have landed on Time out For Mom with Rory.

I told ya a change was a-comin'!
Hopefully it's the right balance of clean, crisp and easier to read (in the posts section), yet still sassy, cheeky and fun in the layout, colour and design.

Also, since I do not actually own a hammock or cowboy hat, this is a truer representation of me.
Finally, very sorry for those giant feet in your face.
My feet are not actually that big at all.

But enough about me.  

Honestly, self-obsessed people drive me crazy.  I know that has nothing to do with my new look, but it is completely related to Stasha's topic this week.  Sorta.
10 Things Wedding:  Bridezilla

 I think what drives me crazy is the focus on all the details about the wedding, whereas there is very little focus on the MARRIAGE.   

So this is my best advice to ladies out there planning their glorious walk down the aisle.   Yes, it is your day - enjoy it.  But please, please ensure everyone else is enjoying it also.

If you find yourself doing any of the following:   you're too immature to get married.

Do consider a puppy instead.

1.   Die"t":    You put yourself on a strict diet, and your entire wedding party (except that ultra skinny cousin you had to include, whom you keep sending delicious bonbons), your mother and your    MIL.    Maybe even the groom.   Or you at least make him pick his nose hairs.  Every day.

2.   Budget-Smudget:  You'd rather start your married life buried in debt than not get everything you want.  Now.

3.   I'll tell you what you want, what you really want.....is what I really, really want.
You've been planning your wedding since your were 6 years old.  Do spare your future husband the creepy scrap book.   I'm not saying don't have a handy Wedding Planner Binder:  just try and dial back the crazy.  'Kay?  Men are fragile beings.

4.  There is so an "I" in Team!!!    You are a one woman, task managing, envelope stuffing, flower arranging, wedding favour assembling machine!!   And you're one exhausted b$tch too, who nobody wants to be around Right Now.....let alone on the actual Wedding Day.  Which is sure to be even more stressful.   Here's your sign:





5.  If you love me....you'll learn to love TEAL too.   Fine, I will allow your "feature colours" on your special day.  I will wear the awful dress and not complain.  But I do insist on trying it on BEFORE you order it!    And the shoes - since not everyone can walk in 4 inch heels.   And while we are on the subject - really?  I MUST have the same toe nail polish as the other bridesmaids?  And necklace?  And ear-rings?    Wait - what?  You've already bought it all?  Without us?    And picked my hair colour and style for the day too?  Well aren't you special.

And by that I mean...hop on the short bus copter-lady.
Seriously, get outta my face.

 6.   Baa Baa Baaaaa.....Please be considerate of your guests.   Not everyone likes lamb.   Or spicy Cajun Jambalaya.   You do like those expensive place settings on your Registry, right?   Give and take.  Live it.

7.   If you're full.....just say "when".    But not you: you're never fully satisfied.  From the wrong shade of petal pink on the invitations, to the dress alterations that are not just-so, or the way your great aunt Tilly has tied the pew bows.  Nothing can match the perfect vision in your head.  

8.  What a man, what a man....wait, where's the man?   Your groom is missing in action through the entire planning and preparations.    And you don't notice.  Or care; since he has terrible taste anyway.   Way to start of your life Together.

9.  And.....he's back!    You have loved, loved Peter Gabriel's, In Your Eyes, since you saw Say Anything way back as a dreamy teen and watched breathless as Mr. Lylod Dobler held that ghetto blaster over his head....the most romantic thing EVAH!    Your groom has finally spoken up:  regarding all the classic rock charms of Metallica's One.   But you can't let him have this one thing.    The first dance is tooo important.   So you pout, stamp your feet, pout some more, and finally scream at him in a tear-filled fit...till he gives in.   Bravo...enjoy the dance.

10.  If your voice, at any point in time, makes small children hide crying in fear, or the saleslady at the bridal shop for that matter, or the dog has backed out of the room with its' tail between it's legs; OR,  your own mother has refused to return your calls.....or her own invitation since you shrugged off the over-budget cost of the perfect bridal gown - she offered to buy the dress after all and THIS IS THE DRESS......
...........................you might be a Bridezilla. 


If this seems harsh, consider this:  all things I have seen a bride do in her quest for The Perfect Day; and succeeded in alienating all the people who loved, cared about her and truly wanted to share that day.
 And the one about buying the dress, the shoes, the accessories, the toe nail polish, booked the spa appointments - all without any input from the bridesmaids - True Story.   I backed out of the wedding.  I have no regrets.

Girlfriends, the Perfect Wedding Day is the one where you are Mrs. So and So at the end of the day.   That was the point, right?
Smile then.
Live Happily Ever After.

Who the hell knows the difference between "blush" and "bashful" anyway?

(bonus points if you get that movie reference.....or you could just enter my new contest and Win something fine.)