When Left Brain and I were first married, we still were driving our "inherited" vehicles.

 You know, the ones mom and dad passed on to you when you moved out and they wanted to buy something new.   i.e. retiree hip

Thus, Left Brain had his old Honda Civic that had like a gazillion miles on it....but was still going.   In fact, he sold it to a co-worker and the darn thing lasted another 3-4 years.    I swear....Civics's are like the cockroaches of cars.    You just can't kill them.

I was the lucky one who drove the old pale blue Ford Taurus.....boat model.   I swear, it was like driving a bus.....but that thing could plow through a Canada blizzard like a hot knife thru da butter.

You know FORD said backwards is Found On Road Dead....right?
And it was.
Also, Driver Returned On Foot works as well.

 Thus, when it was time to buy a couple of year older or whatever we can afford new car, we opted to stick with the Honda brand.    And I loved me that CR-V.      It was a perfect fit for us....and then for our newly family of 3.

After a couple of years of living with a smaller type SUV, and all the baby gear one wee babe can generate, and 1 camping trip packed with the bare necessities, when I peed me some new lines on a stick: we faced the question every 30-something parental unit fears:

Should we get a Minivan?
See...right there.....I gasped.     And I've already lived it!
Really, it should be classified as some kind of Post Traumatic Stress order.

So yes, we kissed our pride goodbye and bought a Honda Odyssey.  
Now, I certainly will agree that they are most practical, functional and useful --- especially with my line peeing habit which added child #3.    (To my knowledge, besides a truck, there is no other vehicle besides the minivan that can hold 3 car seats, and if you reply that there is one...Imma gonna have to smack you.  yes, it will make me feel better.)

And with that singular purchase, there died all my youthful declarations and promises to Stay Gold and Rock On.    I have become the stereotypical java-junkie, yoga-pant-wearing, minivan driving soccer mom.

There is no hope for me.

But you.....you my dear friend, I might be able to save.


10 Ways To Look Cool Driving A Mini-Van

1.  First, let's get one thing straight:  the minivan will never be cool.  Ever.   No, stop; I know you fit like 7 people, 2 coolers, a tent. 3 suitcases and a BBQ in it - still.....Never!
    I don't care how "fully loaded" and if you cover the entire thing in the best leather, it will still Not.Be.Cool.    
Your cool factor must transcend the uncoolness of the minivan.
No pressure.   Let's continue.

1.    Sensible pants, black socks and tennis shoes?   Lose 'em.   Burn them in fact.  And I know the yoga pants....believe me, I Know, but you gotta step up your game now.  At least a couple of days per week.

2.    Tint those windows to the maximum level the law allows.

3.     Minivans scream "practicality!" = uncool.    You need to dress it up a bit.

         I am not quite sure if this is what I mean:


4.    Perhaps this is a better way to Pimp your practical ride:    Yo - street creed y'all!






5.   Those remote sliding doors - they are handy, and I suspect others are actually quite envious, so show off that Magic every chance you get.    I like to purposely carry as much as my arms can lift, then add one child.   Pick up the dropped purse with my big toe.
"Aw, all this?  No, really, it's not a problem.  Just a simple press of a button."


Oh, you know what else has power doors?   The Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead
Power doors = luxury!

6.    If, IF you are going to attempt to revive the whole "Shaggin Wagon" image - Please.  Do.Not.Get.Caught.   Busted bare butt by flashlight is not cool.  (OK, that one might have been from Left Brain.)

7.   Two words people:   Costco Run.
People will be eyeing your laden carts with envy as they cram their minimal haul into that Smart   Car.

 8.    If your future doesn't seem bright as you trudge about your daily errands to the tune of bickering, non stop versions of the ABC song, and DSi game sounds:   Fake It.

Sunglasses = instant glamour

 9.   Repeat after me:  "I am not a chauffeur. I am not a Chauffeur.  I am NOT A CHAUFFEUR!"
Feel better?
I knew that you would.
Now, go hit the Starbuck's Drive Thru solo.

10..   The baby seats are a dead giveaway that your youth is slowing fleeing right out the door behind your cool, but honestly......blaring Barney during the morning school run ain't helping ya any.   Try and remember the mom when she used to rock and roll.
(unless, it is more important to look cool to your kids, in which case, crank that sh$t.)






If you follow my handy tips, you too can look like your living life in the fast lane --- even though you're stuck in the car pool lane.

It's your Swagger Wagon - Own It!




As I am just back from vacation, please forgive the 2 post in 1.
Listicles, meet Monday Music.
Photobucket

Head conductor of the Love Train is Marie of XmasDolly & her co-conductors are the lovely: Callie of JAmericanSpice, Cathy Kennedy's Blog (me), Lorie of The Shewbridges of Central Florida, Stacy of Stacy Uncorked , and this month's honorary co-conductor, Danielle from Royal Legacy .


This weeks' theme is Freebie.


 warm wishes sign