It's great to be back on a normal blogging schedule... and that most certainly includes returning to Stasha's Monday Listicles.    Even though I missed last weeks link up:  Let's see if I can keep an impossible New Year's Resolution and keep them shorter in 2012. 

This weeks' topic comes courtesy of Varda at The Squashed Bologna:


Top Ten Strange (odd/unusual/funny/interesting) Jobs you have held in your life.

 1.  Shit Shoveller. 
Literally.   As in standing in a barn in your coveralls, chewing on a piece of straw, mucking out 20 or so horse stalls.   And I loved it.   Loved every minute of being in that barn with those amazing animals.  Even during the freezing cold dead of winter when water pails would freeze,  and the barn cat is snuggled up in your hoodie.   Or when the Houdini of all horses, Sea Breeze (although I called her by another "B" name) would break them all out of the paddock and full tilt up the lane they'd go.   Ever tried to catch a runaway horse.....or 10? is kind of fun.

2.   this is actually a continuation of # 1.......only slightly less fun.   Mucking calf pens in spring.    Oh.The.Humanity.    I didn't know stench like that existed.   I'll spare you any more details.

File these 2 under "the desperate measures a starving student will take:"

3.   Telemarketer.
I try to be kind to them when they call me now.....since for 3 incredibly, painful and boring days I wore their headset.  I can't even remember what I had to sell -- just that I picked a fight with a potential customer so that I would get fired.   It worked.

4.  Wandering Salesperson
Again, in the literal sense.   Although, what I thought would be some kind of door-to-door sales job, turned out to be "give her the steak knife set, the kid's books, mommy's agenda, shoe shine kit; drive her out to Mennonite country, and drop her off.   let's see how she sells."

The amazing thing?   I sold everything.
I did not return for day 2.

5.   Freeze Modelling
Put on some nice clothes at The Bay, stand up on a block - Now:   Do Not Move for about an hour.   While people poke at you, tell jokes, say mean things, touch the clothes and generally try to mess with you.   It was a blast.
Dude.....I feel  your pain.
6.   Porn Video Reviewer
   Ha - -just seeing if you're still with me.
It was an actual task I was assigned when I worked at a video rental store during high school.   Something about pornographer laws changing - I can't remember.  I did not obey.  The geeky 17 year old boy who also worked with me was only too  happy to head to the back and obey.  
I did not go back to check to see him "obey".

7.  Dog Sitter
A job I really enjoyed since I love animals.   Not so strange that someone would hire you to watch their pet while they were absent.   However, it was surprising they would actually allow me (a stranger) to live in their home - with access to alarm codes, etc. - while they vacationed some place sunny for 2 weeks.   Including one famous Canadian -- who obviously I will not be mentioning.   
I made enough money to pay my tuition.   That's a lot of kibble folks.

8.  Go Go/Shadow Dancer
not me

 Yep.  That was me up there behind the curtain whose shadowed form you saw getting into the groove if you happened to be a frequent visitor to a certain London night club.  

9.   Cell Searcher
So you know I used to work in a male prison.  The most loathsome, and yet oddly, most interesting task was always the cell searches.  You never knew what you'd find:  drugs, home-made brew, a shiv: normal.   How about some fresh urine for sale?  Or tampons?  Or one very sorry used teddy bear the inmate cried for hours after I confiscated it:  to the laundry room.   He got it back.   Forgive me Pooh.

Kids?  don't ever try to hide anything from mama in your rooms.  I've been trained by the best.

10.  Exotic Dancer
Yes.   You read that right.   Oh....I's got some splaining to do.

I wrote a paper for my finals on the Objectification of Women: namely those in the sex industry.   This was based on a 1985 court case where the Judge dismissed the crime of rape against a stripper because she was part of "a particular class of women" whose purpose it was to promote lust.  Needless to say this judgement was not favourably received by the general public; let alone those in the "industry". I tried to interview the women at the local strip club about the case, but they wouldn't talk to me: at first.  They challenged me to try it: walk a mile in their sequins and 6 inch stilettos.  So....I did.

It was a 3 minute little dance routine.  Wearing the most daring clothing of my life - but which yes, remained ON.   A cute little pig-tailed prep school girl intro for the grand finale. 

It was awful.   I learned the true definition of leering.  It did not make me feel sexy, empowered or anything other than wanting a good hot shower.   I can't say I feel proud of that moment.  But I can't say that I am sorry I did it either:  they needed that moment from me, for some reason.   I gained their respect and trust and they talked very openly with me.  I got an A on my paper.  It was published in some journal somewhere - I didn't even find out where.   

And to this day, I cannot judge them, but neither can I understand  WHY?

There you go.  I am over my time limit - dang it. 
And you quite possibly know far too much about me now.

 warm wishes sign