UPDATE:   I have decided to link up this post over at Shell's "Things I Can't Say: PYHO"  because, well...together we stand strong.  And I just knew I wasn't the only one who felt this way!

So this week's edition of Coffee Chat takes place in the Great Outdoors. Our local park has a climbing structure, beach and splash pad. It is so nice to go here, pack a picnic, and  swim view the Ottawa River.  And of course, the splash pad is a big hit on hot days like today.   And anything that provides a chance for mommy to sit and enjoy some uninterrupted coffee chat, is a winner with me.

So here is a peek at the Fun:

hug mama?

Miss Princess doesn't like her face being splashed

the beach - as you can, no one swims

view from the water edge: play structure & splash pad

on weekends often entertainment at the gazebo

So yeah, lots of fun in the sun this morning.   So what's the Done?
Um, that would be me.  Done and Done. 

I should have been enjoying watching my kids play and splash about.  I definitely shouldn't have engaged in heavy "discussion" with Left Brain on the way there.  Angel Girl was completely whiney and an all out brat......and how could I blame her, when everthing is annoying me today.   I am in a straight up pissy mood.   Maybe there's a valid reason, but is it still justified?   I don't know.   But I do know, it  usually means, mama is tired and overwhelmed. 

I know there are some moms out there that just feel so blessed and joyful to take care of their home and children.  Today, I am not one of them. This is one of those days when I am feeling like if I have to pick up one more item off the floor, or sweep, or vacuum said floor,  I might honestly lose it.  I don't want to search for lost sippy cups, or Barbie shoes, or Lego pieces another minute!  I have been demanding my free time lately - hoping that if I make myself take it - one day the guilt that accompanies it will have disappeared.   I love my blog, my garden, my time at the gym.  These are  essential to my mental and physical health.  But the truth is - when I am doing these activities - I am NOT doing activities around home, that need doing.  And neither is anyone else *side eye*.   Or I am doing them at night when the kids are in bed, when I should be getting some kind of break.  Sigh. It seems you actually Cannot Have it All.

Maybe I wouldn't be in such a b$tch mood today if Left Brain hadn't actually said, "oh, so I am supposed to work all day, or night at my job, and then come home and work too?"   I tell you...this man, who I absolutely love and adore by the way, is lucky he is still alive.   Because inherent in that statement are several things:  1) I, being the one at home all day, am Not Working, OR 2) that any work I do, couldn't possibly be as hard, and 3) and somewhat contradictory, it is perfectly acceptable to expect ME to work -- all day long.  and night.    You see, Left Brain is the type of spouse who will run the vacuum, wash some dishes (in fact, only he knows how to load the dishwasher properly), cook a meal, bath the kids.   He will watch the kids while I go out.  I am told I should bow down and thank my lucky stars due to this. Ah, cue the resentment.  But he is also the type who will only do these things - mostly the cleaning things - when asked.  Which forces me into the role of either nagging wife, or mother.  Yuck to both. 

But there's too much to do, and who's gonna do it?  Closets need organizing - me.  Find new dresser for girls, dresser and desk for boy - me.  Go to store and pick out paint AND paint said found items - me.   Arrange entire room to fit newly acquired and painted items - me.  Put all clothing, toys, etc. etc. back into dressers - me.   Arrange play date at park - me.   Gather bathing suits, towels, sunscreen, sand toys,  spare clothes, snacks, blanket to sit on - me.   Upon return,  hang wet stuff to dry, unpack bags and return all items to original spot; after cleaning if necessary - me again.    And while accomplishing all these things, my brain is screaming at me that the bathrooms, and kitchen floor are in desparate need of cleaning.   Toys are scattered because I am the only one who thinks it a worthwhile thing to teach them to put their stuff away.   This house is bursting at the seams with people, items, and toys.   "Purge", Left Brain says.   Oh, you volunteer?  Great.  I'll be over here catching up on my blog reading. 

Oh, how I envy the ladies across the street who work outside the home, and have maids.  I am out of energy and ideas on how to keep this home clean and organized.  Even if I have the time to do it, there are 4 people who came along and undue all my efforts.   It's a viscious cycle, and probably the reason for my ugly mood.  I just want off this spinning wheel.   If you truly respect and appreciate all I do....then please keep your crap off the floor and return it to it's "home."   If you see something that needs to be done, just do it.  It is our home, and thus our responsibility.   See, I respect how hard Left Brain works.  That's why I don't drive the car on empty, or when the oil light is on, I don't spend money irresponsibly -- I gave up every perk I enjoyed as a working woman to respect The Budget, and I rarely ever do any activity that costs money.   I try not to flee from the house as soon as his car returns.   But, it is time to just admit it.  Time to face the music, drop the cape and just 'fess up.   I can't do it all.   Not if I want some time for me.  Something has to give.   Question is, what?

Well, I did point out one thing to my dear spouse.  And let's be clear about one thing though:  I am not angry with him, I am angry at the situation I find myself in.   And this it:   It is a very telling thing that I am completely overwhelmed with all that I need to accomplish around here, every day.......and he is Not.  Ever.

Still, look what one determined mama can accomplish when she is willing to forgoe a glass of wine and a good book, to go the extra mile for her offspring:

1 more coat, and some hardware - Done
Do you find yourself struggle somedays to be a joyful mommy when serving your family's needs?  Come, sit.  Coffee's on.