So I don't know if you are like me and find yourself habitually yelling at your computer screen while waiting for a screen to load, or your Facebook/Twitter status to update. Patience is definitely not one of my virtues. I'm a busy mom, I don't have 10 minutes to wait on a thinking computer. Yeah, yeah, our laptop is ancient, granted. And I got spoiled working for the Government and having my own personal (very cute) beck'n'call IT Specialist. And then something happened to me the other day.....

....I couldn't remember my bank card PIN at the store. Literally, blank mind and even blanker stare; as the cashier slowly tapped her fingers, waiting for my mind to catch up. I swear there was probably a blinking red light on my forehead, while the brain engine desperately executed a search of listed numbers. I thought I could read her mind, "get there faster, please." And that's when it hit me - no not the PIN - but the fact that THERE IS A TON OF INFO IN THERE! I knew we needed milk, and some toilet paper....but my PIN? nada.

I mean, it's a miracle that the whole system didn't crash right there in front of that poor cashier; a neon banner flashing "Error - Data Overload".

Besides memorizing the PIN for my bank card, the joint account card, my credit cards, my passwords for all cyber-techy related Domestic Goddess/Home and Hearth CEO/Personal Nose & A$$ Wiper/, there's a huge inventory of STUFF that I am responsible for each and every day.  All day long. Me.  Keeping track.  Organizing.   Remembering....

For example, Zoo Zoo's nose is continually running this cold season and sorely needed a Kleenex.  Well, that's easy enough, right?  Yes, if someone would remember to buy them.  Oh, that would be me.  If I don't remember, there will  be no Kleenex.   Same goes for toilet paper, medicine, band-aids, Q-tips, shampoo, soap, toothpaste, tape, glue, computer paper, notepad paper, construction paper, crayons, markers, stickers, sticky notes, pens, light bulbs.......OMG.....I'm exhausted already.   My brain is like one ginormous file cabinet that is constantly taking inventory.  And this is on top of the normal things like FOOD (which Left Brain would rarely forget to buy - ever, although it might still be frozen come dinner time.) 

The seasons are changing....hourly it seems.  And mom is the only one who knows where the seasonal clothes are stored.  Why?  Because I am the one who sorts, cleans and stores them every year.  Same with outgrown clothing.  Same with toys.  Clean, sort, keep, discard or sell.   Me. Me. ME. 

Where is what?   Mom can tell you.
Tire gauge?   Front hall wardrobe, top drawer, right basket
Light bulb?  old ones, upstairs closet, bottom drawer --- ECO ones, furnace room shelf, left cupboard

extra diapers?  under the stairs in the box DIAPERS!
tape? duct, masking or clear?  Clear - ok - left top drawer in the desk in upstairs living room  (there is no masking....the kids used it to tape a box into a spaceship (bottom bunk son's bed), and the duct tape is probably still outside on the back deck, under the snow, where it was left by DH last summer)
screwdriver?  Un-uh. nice try.  that's a man tool.  You're on your own buddy.  but, I will bet you $100.00 it is NOT in your tool box.

All this info, which is necessary to the successful and fluid management of the home is stored in my brain, alongside the 33 years of information previously collected prior to marriage and kids.  There's all my memories:  good, bad, joyful and painful; the million or so books read for a BA in English Literature; the professional courses taken for my "real" job; the lyrics to every song I have ever heard (yes, I am a bit of a lyrical freak....I seem to never forget songs).   All safely stored.  Until now.  Since the arrival of kids and subsequent departure of SLEEP, the inventory is only increasing.....and I fear the brain-fart of the forgotten PIN, while excusable, is merely the beginning.  My brain did eventually retrieve the lost number, and once the smoke cleared, we had a good laugh.  But it's not kind of scares me.  It's overwhelming and exhausting.   How can I continue with this awesome responsibility of being Chief Rememberer in addition to everything else I do?  There's laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping, kids to watch. wonder we are all so freaking tired!

So dear computer, I am sorry that I yelled at you.  I know you have a lot of information inside that sleek, note-book like frame.  But if you'd be nice to me, I could be nice to you and give you a nice memory boost.  I fear no one can do as much for me.   And let's face one is pounding on your keys "google me this", "tweet this", "load that" 24/7.   It's really only a couple of hours a day...not even every day.  Plus, you get to take a nap between each session.  A mommy is not so lucky.    So maybe it's not that I am impatient.... but my allotted "me" time is so small and so precious.   So many are already wanting and waiting for so much from me.  Slow is not an option.   I have things to do, places to go.....

....if I could just power down for a couple of hours, I might just remember what they are.